What bugs me….

Why am I not writing more in my blog recently? I’m not sure – I’ve started writing probably 5 different blog posts and end up deleting them because in so many ways it seems like it’s all been written before. I like the posts that I’ve made that are ‘educational’ – explaining inductions, Pitocin, episiotomies, etc. The problem is that there is already so much out there that I don’t want to waste my time re-writing the books that are already written.

Then I think about doing an opinion blog…and then I think, “Will it matter?” Amid the oceans of opinions that are on the internet, why would anyone care what I think?

If it’s not an educational post, and it’s not an opinion post – then what is there to write about? You see my dilemma? So let me be selfish for a bit and post a short opinionated vent that might even be a little educational for some people (heh).



When I hear someone say, “I had a natural birth” – only to find out that they were induced at 39 weeks because they were tired, had an epidural, episiotomy….etc. I suppose you had a “natural” BIRTH in that you had a baby come out your vagina, but that’s as much natural as you had it.   What does the term natural mean?  Not that….

When I am talking to someone who finds out that I’m a midwife and their response is, “Oh, I LOVE my epidurals!!” (wait – I’m not to what bugs me yet! That’s fine and dandy with me, I totally get that and I’m glad that they had positive experiences with an epidural!) But as we continue the conversation and they start telling me about how they have horrible heartburn and their doctor gave them some prescription but they don’t want to take it because they don’t want the drugs to get to the baby….that they won’t even take Tylenol because they are pregnant….they are M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D if they see someone pregnant take a sip of wine!! But on the day in which their baby will go through the largest physical transformation they will ever have, the ONE day in which drugs will have the biggest possible impact on that baby….on that day they almost proudly declare, “Load me up!”

Let me make this clear….no, it is not just that your baby’s lungs start breathing, it’s so much more than that. Let’s look at just your baby’s heart! What happens IMMEDIATELY at birth…
… As soon as the baby is born, the foramen ovale, ductus arteriosus ductus venosus and umbilical vessels are no longer needed.
… The sphincter in the ductus venosus constricts, so that all blood entering the liver passes through the hepatic sinusoids.
… Occlusion of the placental circulation causes an immediate fall of blood pressure in the IVC and right atrium.
– Increasing uptake of oxygen by lungs (first and subsequent breaths) induces a vasoconstriction of ductus venosus and ductus arteriosis

What does that mean? It means that there are a whole lot of changes to your baby’s lungs, heart, liver, blood pressure, kidneys…..so many changes happen RIGHT AT BIRTH!! Your little tadpole, in the space of a couple of minutes, becomes a frog! And it’s at that moment that you will gladly take “as many drugs as they are willing to give me!” Can you hear yourself? When did this become acceptable??

It’s socially unacceptable to take a sip of wine when you are 28 weeks pregnant…but totally okay to do Stadol and get an epidural with Fentanyl in it (Fentanyl is 100 times more potent than Morphine) – in fact, it’s weird if you don’t do that. I don’t get it.

When people spend more time researching their next car they intend to buy, looking up what type of mattress is best when they need a new bed, scouring the online reviews to see what type and size of television they should get…..and yet hire the doctor that their neighbor used without so much as a thought. The only thing they research is what size fruit their baby is this week – and don’t research interventions, options, tests, procedures.

They will spend $9 per person to go and see a movie, $30 to go to dinner with their spouse – or even $175 on a crib bedding set even though they KNOW they shouldn’t put that comforter in the crib with the baby and that it’s JUST FOR LOOKS!!! Yet that same person will claim that they can’t afford a doula, or that homebirth is just too expensive.

Where are your priorities? You’d rather spend money on toys your baby won’t give a care about, and paint for the nursery, and gadgets like swings and exersaucers – than you would on making the birth better and safer for you and your baby? Your television and car were more important purchases than your medical care.

When I work SO HARD to respect the process, give the mom as much patience as I can muster, fight to keep my hands off of a woman (and out of her!)….and then I hear someone at the birth say, “You guys don’t do very much, do you..” like it’s a negative. To those who would say that my response is this: If you’re lucky, I won’t do much because that means everything is healthy and good. But I promise you…if I DO have to do much, I earn my keep and you will be very very glad I’m there! But can you imagine looking at a lifeguard by a big pool and saying to them, “Wow, you don’t do much but just sit there, do you!” You don’t EXPECT them to jump in unless someone is drowning…and when your child is the one he jumps in to save, you will be glad he was watching over things! Be grateful when his job is boring and he’s able to just sit in his chair…that’s a good thing, not a bad thing! And if there’s nothing for me to do, that’s a good thing.

And finally, when someone on the computer types like this, “How RU? going 2 the game 2nite? I have 2 go cuz bff is..” IT IS THE INTERNET, NOT TEXTS….AND IT MAKES YOU SOUND STUPID! OH, AND FOR THE RECORD, TAKE YOUR CAPS LOCK OFF BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE YELLING!

Phew….I feel better now.