BELLY BUTTONS & THE ANESTHESIA

After some of the more ‘heavy’ posts that I’ve been publishing, I thought I would share with you a couple of instances that have happened to me that made me crack up laughing when they happened – and still cause me to giggle when I think of them today. Yes, these are true stories.

BELLY BUTTON:
One day, several years ago, I was at a group gathering and got caught up in a conversation with 4 other ladies. The subject turned to tummy-tucks as most of us had each lost a large amount of weight in the past (that was the commonality that drew us all together into this conversation). We discussed recovery, surgeons, and procedures. We talked about the fact that when you have a tummy tuck you lose your belly button! There are three options for someone when having a tummy tuck: 1. they can “cut around” your existing belly button, pulling down the skin OVER the button, then cutting a “hole” in the skin and pulling the button up through the hole and suturing it in place 2. they can remove the belly button and ‘create” a new belly button for you or 3. you can remove it and just not have a belly button.

I joked that I thought I’d just choose to not have any belly button and change my name to “Eve”.

Hee hee hee….get it? Eve? Adam and Eve? Not born..therefore no belly button? Hee hee….?? Okay, so it’s not that funny – but I was amused.

ANYWAYS, I went on to say that regardless of anything else, I wanted to wait until I was completely done having children before contemplating any type of tummy tuck or anything. One of the women in the group – a mother herself with 3 children – nodded in agreement and said, “yeah, well, you HAVE to…”

Confused I said, “You don’t HAVE to…but if I’m going to go through all the investment of money and pain and recovery, I don’t want to get it all stretched out again with a pregnancy.”

The woman said, “But…you can’t have a pregnancy if you’ve had a tummy tuck…?”

Still confused I asked, “What do you mean? Of course you can…why wouldn’t you?”

Now she looked thoroughly baffled and said, “How can you have a pregnancy if you don’t have a belly button? Where would the baby’s umbilical cord attach?”

Yes, she was serious. And if you think that is funny, you should have seen the total 100% jaw-dropping baffled look the four of us gave her.

THE ANESTHESIA:
I always see the same hairdresser – yes, I’m a midwife that gets her hair colored and has a regular hairdresser. I have been seeing her for 7 years now and I love her! I have regularly gone to her throughout my last 2 pregnancies and often we talk about my job, catching babies, fertility, etc.

A month after my last baby was born I went in with the new baby and my then-8-year-old daughter. One of the other hairdressers came over to do the typical ‘admire the new baby’. She had given birth herself just a month before I did and she complimented me on looking ‘so good’ so soon after having given birth. I complimented her right back and told her that you couldn’t tell she had ever even been pregnant!

To that she said, “Oh gosh, you should have seen me right after he was born, oh my gosh! I was so swollen and puffy – it was horrible!”

I sympathized, “Oh yuck…I’m so sorry. Did you have anesthesia?”

She looked slightly confused, then quickly answered, “Oh no…they tested me for that and it was negative.”

HUH?!?!?

I think I must have had a look of intense pained confusion with a back note of amusement. She returned a look of, “maybe I misunderstood?” so I repeated: “No….did you have ANESTHESIA!” I spoke the word as clearly and deliberately as I could.

The hairdresser just looked at me confused, as if to say, “Yeah, I must not know what you mean because I still have the same answer….”  It wasn’t until I said, “You know…did you have an epidural?”  that she suddenly brightened up.

“OH!” she smiled, “Oh…yeah…of COURSE!”

I chuckled and said, “Okay, then that’s probably the source of most of your swelling…it was probably from the IV and the anesthesia and how much fluid they have to give you, not because you gave birth.”

No longer interested in her previous swelling, she was still confused as to my question.  “Didn’t you have one?”

I smiled as warmly as I could and said, “Oh no…I have my babies at home.”

She physically took a step back away from me like it was contagious, “Oh my God!”

My 8 year old daughter spoke up happily, “Yeah…and I caught her!”

Hairdresser looked at me and said, “What does she mean?”

I laughed and said, “She caught her sister as she was born…”

She looked at both of us as if we were confessing to being serial killers….my daughter looking at me like, ‘Mom..what’s her problem?”

The hairdresser said, “Wow…umm….well, congratulations to you guys…” and made a hasty retreat.

To this day I wonder how they test you for ‘the anesthesia’….and WHAT DO WE DO IF YOU TEST POSITIVE?? Maybe one of these days I will find out…but as of right now, I sure am glad I have never had a client who tested positive for the anesthesia.

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